Diddy Roasts BoFN (Part 1)

Awright, awright awriiiiight everybody, it’s time to kick off our FIRST . . . Blog of Funny Names . . . ROOOOOOAAAST!!!! Yeah!!! Woooo! How’s everyone doing tonight? . . . Anyone actually out there? . . . Didn’t think so.

At least Kerbey’s here. You can always count on Kerb! [Cheers.] Especially in the comments. [Cheers.] Her favorite tea must be Constant Comment. [Groan.] Kerb and I have to stick together. We’re the only ones who post here anymore. [Awww.] And, did you know this? Kerbey’s mom took her to see Rocky Horror Picture Show when she was nine! True story, true story. Yeah, so Kerbey’s been hanging out with Riff Raff ever since. [Groan.]

Just getting started, folks! Now, I can’t truly say Kerbey’s the only other poster left, because we still got Fannie! [Cheers.] Kind of. Sometimes. No disrespect, Fannie! Seriously, we love your posts. [Cheers.] We literally can’t get enough! We call Fannie the adult in the room. Or we would if there was anyone in the room. [Awww.] Fannie’s got her own blog, Irreverent Wisdom. [Cheers.] Fannie’s so sweet! [Cheers.] I just can’t picture her being irreverent. She has to work up the nerve to say “knucklehead.” [Light chuckle.] And then, she has to qualify it: “I’m just joking! For goodness’ sake!” [Chuckle.] Pushing the line there, Fannie. Watch it! [Chuckle.]

You guys warming up to this? Good! Speaking of preheating, there’s Liz! [Cheers.] If Kerb and Fannie are the Steel Magnolias, Liz was our Iron Chef. [Cheers.] Liz did our food posts. [Cheers.] And it was real hardboiled stuff, I’m tellin’ yuh. [Groan.] Yeah, Liz was really cookin’! [Groan.] Not a recipe for disaster at all, no siree! [Groan.] It should be Liz up here, doing this roast. [Groan.] Unfortunately, Liz didn’t have Kerb’s upbringing, so she doesn’t know how to cut up Meat Loaf. [Grooooooan.]

Meat Loaf

Yeah, so many talented writers at BoFN! Like Mark Bialczak. [Cheers.] Whatever happened to Mark? We have a lot in common, Mark and I. BoFN couldn’t get him to stay, and they can’t get me to leave. See the similarity? [Groan.] Anyway, Mark Bialczak, everybody! What flair, what talent! [Cheers.] See? This place used to be so hoppin’, professional writers joined us! Mark’s done music, sports, cinema . . . reviewed movies when they first came out. He musta been the first one to review Caddy Czak. [groan]

But there’s another Mark who made his “mark” here! Mark Sackler, everybody! [Cheers.] What an intellect, what a class act! [Cheers.] He heads up a blog called The Millennium Conjectures. [Cheers.] But over here he conjectures about sports. Mark gives NFL polls. [Cheers.] Lots of um. If he gave any more, we’d have to move the WordPress server to Poll-land. [Groan.] Seriously though, you don’t expect football commentary from such a sophisticated guy. He makes me want to golf clap for touchdowns. [Groan.] When he sees crowd waves at the football stadiums, he calculates the probability amplitude. [Groan.] Advanced stuff. And then there’s Mark’s quotes! [Cheers] So many great quotes from Mark. [Cheers] We call him the quotation Mark. [Groan.]

(to be continued . . .)

See Part 2 here.